I have been struggling with writing on this blog the last couple of days. It have been really hard for me because I just feel like I am doing the wrong thing all the time. I have been told I am just writing this blog for attention or for people to have sympathy for me and that’s not the case at all. I wanted to start this because I wanted to maybe help someone that is struggling with the things I have or that I am struggling now.
There are days I think that I am not good enough and I will never be good enough. There are days I just want to stay in the house with the blinds closed and I sleep all day. I have my ups and my downs. This has definitely been a down day. Realizing I am alone in this world sucks. Knowing I will never be good enough sucks. I feel like I am never going to amount to anything. When your told so many negative things in your life, sometimes it’s hard to believe that one positive.
I guess the healing process has it’s up and downs. Right now I am in a down part of my healing for sure. I think about not letting people take my shine but right now it is happening. Right now my light is gone and replaced with just darkness. My walls are built up way high again and trusting really hard for me. It’s hard to let anyone in because I am afraid of getting hard.
I know this post is not my normal feel good post. But I can not sit here and act like I am ok when I am not ok. I wish I can just live the “I don’t care” lifestyle but I have been beat down so much emotional that I do care. Maybe I care way to much. I try to please everyone and I can not. Maybe tomorrow will be better.