“It’s going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.“
Somethings we face in our life is going to be really hard to face. We may think that we can not get through it and want to give up the fight. The mountain top may seem so far away. We could be going through the deepest valley and it could seem very impossible to get out. Life as a way of hitting us hard when we can not take anymore.
My life seemed to be spinning out of control before I went into the hospital. I give up on fighting the fight. I gave up on walking in the valley because I felt like it was impossible to get through everything I was facing. Depression and anxiety took over. I would just sit down and stare at the wall. I lost any interest in working out, cleaning my house, playing with my children and eating. I was just eating 200 calories a day because I just was not hungry. I would cut my arm every other day just to feel a different pain.
I was getting blamed for every problem that happened at home. Everything was always my fault. If the children acted up, I would get yelled at. I started to feel worthless, unloved and that no one would ever care about me. I started to cut everyone out of my life because I was afraid to tell anyone what was going on in my life. I was completely embarrassed about it. It got to the point that I could not live this life anymore. So I thought suicide was the only way out of the pain I was facing. I thought that was going to be the only way out.
When I got to the hospital I was scared to talk to anyone. I was afraid to share my story because of judgement and rejection. I was told so many times to “just get over it.” I was told my past was not as bad as I said it was. In many occasion I was told that that the abuse was my fault. That I made the man that sexual abuse me do it. So I thought that is what I would hear in the hospital. Boy was I wrong!
While in the hospital I gain strength to stand up for myself. I learned that people actually cared about me. I learned that the the healing process is not impossible, you just have to fight to get through. I learned not to give up but call someone that I can talk to that I trust. Someone that will encourage me to get through the hard times. If you think the valley you are going through in your life right now is impossible. Do not give up and keep going. When you get to the mountain top you will be really happy!