This one is a hard one for me. I have a hard time finding who I am because I felt like I had to be someone everyone else wanted me to be. I would tell myself, if I do something others may not like I am going to be rejected. So to me going with what everyone else was doing was my normal. Honestly it has not made me happy. Doing this was making me even more depressed.
With my time in the hospital, the hardest question I was asked was “who are you?” My main answer would be, I am a mother. That is how I defined myself. The problem with that is, I am not always going to have children to take care of. My children will grow up and start their own families one day. So being a mother can not be the only thing that defines me.
As I sit here and think about who I am, it’s a struggle. Maybe it is because I have been beat down so much, I lost sight of who I really am. Maybe because my desire to please others and conforming to what others think is right or wrong. But I know it’s a struggle. I can not be what everyone else thinks I need to be. I need to be who I was created to be.
So who is Amanda (Love) Higelmire? What will she be remembered for what she did to help others? I can tell you that I am a mother, daughter, sister, friend and teacher. Yes those are great, but what are the people in my life going to say about me when it is my time to go?
So for me the journey of finding myself starts today. Today I am decided to not worry about what the world thinks of me. I will not be scared of the judgements that I may receive. I am going to be me and do the things I know God wants me to do. I am going to do the things God created me to do. You can do it also! You can live your life the way you are meant to be. Don’t let anyone control you and you lose your shine that you can give to others!