I have a really great friend who is like a brother to me that has helped me a lot. He has shown me what a health friendship looks like. He has also helped me realized that I am in control of who I allow to touch me. From a very early age I was used by men. I was 8 years old when the sexual abuse started. I was afraid to say stop, no or even tell my mother.
I was groomed by men on how to please them. To let them do what ever they wanted. If I tried to defend myself it would turn really ugly fast. So I grew up with that mentality. I grew up thinking I had to please men. I thought that I had to do whatever they wanted to do me. So I let them use me. I would let them touch me inappropriately because that was “normal” for me.
I thought I did not have control over my own body and I did not have a choice if a man touches me or not. When my friend brought up the saying “my body, my rules”, I was so confused. Thinking I can make the rules for myself was unrealistic. It now makes a lot of sense to me.
It’s hard for me to say no sometimes, but I am working on it. I can make a men I don’t want to touch me, not touch me. I can make the rules for myself. I can make the boundaries I need so I can be healthy.
It is ok to set those boundaries if you need to. It is ok to say “please don’t touch me right now.” You don’t have to live in fear of not pleasing a man because that’s how you grew up. It’s time to break the cycle and take control of your own body.