Today as I sit and think about everything I have faced in my life. I have learned I struggle with making healthy boundaries. That I do let people use me in may different ways. I would sometimes struggle with getting my feelings hurt. Other times I feel fine because someone wanted me for something, even if it was for their own personal gain.
I learned at a young age to sit down, shut up and do nothing to disrespect anyone. When I started getting sexual abuse, I would hardly talk to anyone. My walls got even higher. I was afraid to say anything because if I said the wrong thing I would get hurt. To this day I am afraid of saying what’s on my mind out of fear I am going to get yelled at. Fear that someone may judge me.
There were times I would try to talk about my past. There were times i just cried because the pain was to hard to bare. When I tried to talk about it I was told “just get over it.” So I shut down, not wanting to talk about it anymore. I would be afraid to speak what was on my mind because I knew I would get yelled at. I knew that the problem would turn into my fault. Because everything was my fault.
The challenge that I am facing is setting those healthy boundaries were I want them to be. I want to set the boundary of not getting talk down to. I will stand up for my self. I want to set the boundary of not being used for someone else’s personal gain. Today I am going to start working on setting those boundaries and sticking with them.
If you are reading this and you have a hard time setting boundaries with someone and you feel used. I challenge you to set them they way you need to for your own mental health. Your mental health is very important and you can not give if you are not giving to yourself. Stand up for yourself because no one else is going to do it.