Who am I?

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”
Harvey Fierstein

Are you the victim or the survivor? In my life I have always felt like the victim. The victim of abuse from my father. The sexual abuse I endured. The mental abuse I dealt with. I was afraid to speak, afraid to say what I wanted to say. For so long I looked at myself as the victim. So afraid to be myself because I was told to be who others wanted me to be. I was told to make men happy with my body. That’s the only way I would be accepted by men.

As I stand up and not let the past define me, I struggle to find myself. Who is Amanda? What’s is God’s plan for her life? I know finding yourself is a life long journey. But, I also want to do God’s plan for my life. I can sit here and tell you everything that I see wrong with me, but finding the good in me is so hard.

Today, I am going to accept that I am not the victim but the survivor. I can’t live in the past pain anymore, because I need to look forward. I am doing this for myself and my kids. I want my kids to see how strong I am. That I can beat this depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I want them to know that they can do anything they put their minds to.

Are you going to stay the victim or decide to be the survivor? You are strong and can do anything you put your mind to. Life is hard sometimes. People will hard you, gossip about you and bully you. You have a choice are you going to let that define the rest of your life or are you going to stand up and show them you are strong?